52% intelligent. 9% modest. More monkey than bear.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

And all the things you do

I'm now going to seriously lower the tone: if you are of a nervous disposition, or if you harbour delusions that I am some kind of sophisticate, please look away now.


Who am I kidding? You're all still here, aren't you? Nobody thinks I'm a sophisticate?

Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

I have a question for you.

I was inspired by something that Charlie wrote over on Late Night Radio (one of the first blogs I ever found, actually. Discovered using the "next blog" button and still a regular read).

Over to you Charlie:

"after years of reluctance, and after the longtime recommendations of all 3 roommates and several of my friends, I finally found an opportunity and peed in the shower last night. I didn't like it, and don't think there will ever be an encore."

As I said over there, on the one hand, that's gross. On the other hand, his roomates have clearly been pissing in his shower for months, so it's partial payback, right?

Before you take the moral high ground here, think on this:

Have you ever had a bedroom with a sink? Could have been a room at University, a room at college, could have been a bedsit, perhaps even in a prison - wherever.

Here's the question:

Did you ever take a piss in that sink?

Come on now. Be honest. You can tell me.


  • At 1:15 am, Blogger Damo said…

    Ben Elton's never been that funny a comedian. But he once told a story about how he got embarrassed when he was in a public loo cubicle and he took a dump - he couldn't have anyone else hearing the noise. So beforehand he laid paper down on the water, which deadens it. At this point he looked round the crowd, hoping for recognition that he wasn't the only person that did that. Well personally I never have.

    But I now feel like Ben Elton must have done every night on that tour when he found out that he wasn't the only one. Because I too had a hall of residence room with a sink. And did I REALLY want to get dressed every time I needed the loo in the night? Naaaaaaaaaaah.

    Guilty. And anyone here who had the opportunity and says they didn't is a liar... I hope...

  • At 2:28 am, Blogger Mark said…

    Yes. It was one of those hotels with a toilet shared communally at the end of the corridor. I couldn't be arsed walking 5o yards just to go. Not proud of it, but there you are.

  • At 3:52 am, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    Halls of Residence are a very conducive to this kind of behaviour.....sink in the room, but loo 30 yds away....was there ever any doubt at 0200 on a Sunday morning in Newcastle, ne fooking chance man!

    on a side note, dont worry mate, never did it in cotton, as discovery would certainly have resulted in a heavy beating


  • At 4:48 am, Blogger Jenni said…

    I've never done that, but maybe it's a bit different for women? I did, however, live next to a girl in my dorm who wouldn't take her finger and toenail clippings to the trash bin, but would instead just drop them on the hall carpet right outside her door. Oddly, I am more okay with the thought of someone else peeing in the shower/sink than with stepping on someone else's toenails.

  • At 8:13 am, Blogger Di Gallagher said…

    Um... I thought everyone pissed in the shower.

    Am I a non-girl? Do I get banned from the fraternity now or something?

  • At 9:24 am, Blogger Teresa Bowman said…

    Of course it's possible for a girl to have a wee in a hall-of-residence-room-sink. All you need is a chair to stand on. And yes, I do speak from personal experience. The toilet on the 1st floor of Furzedown was VILE (and so were quite a few of the people who lived on the same floor ...)

    Also, I can recommend the lining-the-toilet-with-a-piece-of-paper thing mentioned by Damo. It not only minimalises the sound, it also lessens the chance of skidmarks and eliminates splashback.

    (Care to have the tone of your blog lowered a little more, sir?)

  • At 10:26 am, Blogger LB said…

    I would like to also heartily comment the use of toilet paper as a sound insulation device for pooing in public toilets. As is running the cold tap very fast if you are in someones house and there is a chance they may hear you.

    I have used the sink also, I was on holiday and my wife had a, ahem, "stomach upset" and so could not risk standing up from the lavatory and in desperation I had no alternative.

    and as for the shower. well. if you haven't done that, you're a liar.

    My local public toilets regularly win awards for their standards, you know. Who from, I am not sure, there must be an Institute of Quite Acceptable Public Conveniences or something. They do cost 10p though, unless you say you need to use the baby changing facilities in which case you can go for free as there is a bog in there. The multiple benefits of having a young child.

  • At 10:35 am, Blogger Mark said…

    Jenni, that's GROSS.

  • At 10:39 am, Blogger John McClure said…

    There was a guy on our uni golf team who got the nickname 'sinks' - for months, no one would tell him why. Finally, someone got sick of him asking and told him that, when he'd been standing at the sink in his room with his curtains open in the first week of term, someone on the same floor of another building had happened to look across and see him doing what he was doing.

    He wasn't pissing.

  • At 2:20 pm, Blogger Jenni said…

    I retract my earlier statement about women possibly being different, obviously it's just me :) Maybe I just missed out because we didn't have sinks in our dorm rooms.

    And John, THAT's gross.

  • At 2:59 pm, Blogger Statue John said…

    Having lived in the same halls of residence as Des above i confess to undertaking the same behaviour, albeit in a different sink.

    I second Jenni in saying "Eeeuuuugh John that is totally gross", although my respect on a great nickname.

  • At 4:39 pm, Blogger John McClure said…

    Sorry - trust me to lower the tone.

    His golfing career was later thwarted by a nasty fit of the shanks - predictably, his nickname shifted to "Armitage"

  • At 8:41 pm, Blogger Damo said…

    Wouldn't it be funny if this post ended up with more comments than anything else you've ever posted?

    Allow me to help.

  • At 9:01 pm, Blogger Erika said…

    The first time someone told me that they didn't pee in the shower, I was shocked! You don't? It's gross? REALLY? I mean, it's not like peeing in the bathwater and sitting in it for an hour - the entire point of a shower is rinsing ick away. Isn't it?

    I feel vindicated by your post and your readers, SwissToni.

  • At 10:54 pm, Blogger Tom said…

    Pissed in the shower? Once or twice. In the sink? I think I did once when I was about 8 years old. I don't remember why.

  • At 10:05 am, Blogger Damo said…

    Because you needed to go, at a guess.

  • At 6:56 pm, Blogger Ali said…

    Everyone pisses in the sink at Uni. I didn't even need a chair, I'd just hop up on the edge like I was scaling a low wall.

    I think the piss-deny-ers are the same people who never masturbate.

    Oh, wait, you mean none of you do? Oh, me either...

  • At 12:04 am, Blogger The Num Num said…


    I have been known to be annoyed at people washing feet in the sink, so anything else like peeing, well, its not cricket.

    oh, and just to annoy damo:

    2) Hear me, And if close my mind in fear... Please pry it open
    See me, And if my face becomes sincere.... Beware
    Hold me, And when I start to come undone.... Stitch me together
    Save me, And when you see me strut
    Remind me of what left this outlaw torn


  • At 8:18 pm, Blogger Damo said…

    As one of the few blokes I know who is insistent on washing his hands every time he visits even a public convenience, I feel no guilt.

    If I believed there was any evidence of bad hygiene as a result I wouldn't have done it...

  • At 9:21 pm, Blogger The Num Num said…

    What do you think you are? An Octopus?


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