and what a scummy man...
Just before I left the office this evening to go for a swim, I nipped down to the toilets to pop my contact lenses in. As I was standing in front of the mirror, I heard a flush go in one of the cubicles behind me. Not so unusual, I think you'll agree, but then the lock on the door went, a guy stepped out and walked right past me and out of the door.
Yes, that's right. He walked right out of the door. He didn't even *pretend* to wash his hands either... you know, that thing that people do when they show their hands to a running tap, but barely get them wet, and certainly don't get them anywhere near the soap. I know you know what I'm talking about....
Gross, right? It's bad enough when someone has a piss and they don't wash their hands, but somehow a number 2 seems so much filthier, doesn't it?
I didn't know the guy, but it's just occurred to me that I might one day find myself being introduced to him in a meeting. So when he holds his hand across the table to me, what do I do? Refuse to shake it?
"I'm sorry, but I can't shake hands with you because I saw you leaving the toilets once after taking a dump and you didn't wash your hands... so I'll pass thanks"
Now that would be an ice-breaker; the start of a beautiful working relationship. You can almost see the other people in the meeting who have already been introduced to him surreptitiously wiping their hands on their trousers, can't you?
Lovely. Nice guy - you'd like him.
Yes, that's right. He walked right out of the door. He didn't even *pretend* to wash his hands either... you know, that thing that people do when they show their hands to a running tap, but barely get them wet, and certainly don't get them anywhere near the soap. I know you know what I'm talking about....
Gross, right? It's bad enough when someone has a piss and they don't wash their hands, but somehow a number 2 seems so much filthier, doesn't it?
I didn't know the guy, but it's just occurred to me that I might one day find myself being introduced to him in a meeting. So when he holds his hand across the table to me, what do I do? Refuse to shake it?
"I'm sorry, but I can't shake hands with you because I saw you leaving the toilets once after taking a dump and you didn't wash your hands... so I'll pass thanks"
Now that would be an ice-breaker; the start of a beautiful working relationship. You can almost see the other people in the meeting who have already been introduced to him surreptitiously wiping their hands on their trousers, can't you?
Lovely. Nice guy - you'd like him.
posted by swisslet @ 21:12
15 Comments:
At 11:06 pm,
bytheseashore said…
Somebody at my work clearly enjoys picking his nose so much in the cubicle that he proudly leaves his bogeys on the wall for other occupants to enjoy. He doesn't eat them though. I mean, that'd be unhygienic, wouldn't it?
At 1:23 am,
Mark said…
..well I saw a midget not wash his hands at the Cure, but since he was about 3 foot tall, I kind of forgave him.
At 6:09 am,
Aravis said…
ST- I guess that's why hand sanitizers were invented. Perhaps someone found themselves in just such a situation as the one you postulated. :0P
bytheseashore- I went to college with a guy who could- and regularly did- pick his nose with his tongue! People who had a class with him strove to arrive on time so as not to have to sit in front of him. The slurping noises were stomach churning, and accidental flicking occasionally occurred.
He was not a popular guy.
At 8:45 am,
LB said…
The problem is, that unless everyone washes their hands, to some degree it is hardly worth it. The second you take hold of the door handle to walk out of the toilets, you'll immediately share all the germs with the folk who haven't washed their hands, won't you?
Not that I am suggesting washing hands isn't a good idea - I am just saying that unless everyone does it it won't really matter.
*scratches arse*
At 9:24 am,
Di Gallagher said…
I believe Sienfeld did an episode similar to this...
At 9:27 am,
Stef said…
I used to tell my co-workers about those that didn't wash their hands after using the loo. :-)
At 9:57 am,
John McClure said…
..well I saw a midget not wash his hands at the Cure, but since he was about 3 foot tall, I kind of forgave him.
That's one of the funniest things I've read today, although granted I probably miss-read it a bit the first time and imagined an angry midget aggressively not washing his hands in front of Robert Smith and then sneering.
ST - I can't believe you're back on the toilet theme again - urinal ettiquette? pissing in the sink? - you're such a hit counter whore sometimes.
At 2:14 pm,
Ali said…
I am usually a good girl and wash my hands, but there are times when it is better not to wash your hands mind you.
At the Metro club recently, the sinks were plugged up with a swirling mass of bog roll, vomit, beer bottles and tampon wrappers.
I went with my instincts and touched nothing, and would if I could have opened the door with my freaking elbows.
At 6:05 pm,
Michael said…
I'm in agreement with Lord B on this one... sort of. After a dump, I make sure I wash my hands, and I pretty much always try to open the door when leaving with my elbows.
When it comes to the stand up pit stop, I am more worried about washing my hands beforehand. I don't want to transfer anything germlike to that location of my body. When it comes to washing after, I know my hygiene is good in that location, and I don't piss on my hands, so...
then again, I am also the kind of person who wants to avoid others. People are trouble.
At 6:16 pm,
-L said…
So glad I saved this blog to read during lunch. It's going delightfully well with my mac & cheese. Cheers, ST! :)
At 6:36 pm,
swisslet said…
Leah - you had a mac and cheese for lunch? Shame on you! Now try not to think about:
a) what kind of rubbish has been ground up with the meat
and
b) what was on the hands of the guy who cooked it for you
Enjoy!
ST
At 7:51 pm,
Flash said…
Not shaking hands?
Opening the doors with your elbows?
Crikey, you lot are puffs!
At 10:16 pm,
swisslet said…
....don't even get me started on bar snacks....
At 11:01 pm,
-L said…
Have no fear, ST! I made the mac and cheese myself, and I always wash my hands before preparing meals...And I must say that I never include ground beef with my macaroni & cheese. Another cultural difference, perhaps? :)
At 11:29 pm,
Jenni said…
I think, perhaps, ST was thinking of the notorious Big Mac?? And not the yummier macaroni and cheese that comes from a box...or a freezer.
As for the guy in the bathroom...ew.
The other day, in the sideview mirror of my car, I saw Girl picking her nose and eating. I was like "GIRL! I CAN SEE YOU!" She quickly desisted. Apparently, I am a bit more vocal with my disgust than you are, ST.
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