why do all good things come to an end....?

I'm moving my blog.  If you're looking for me, then you should now head to swisslet.com

I've had a pretty good run on here.

I started making my first tentative forays into blogging way back in March 2004.  I was only playing around, so I picked the first name that popped into my head. It wasn't an especially original name, but it was one that I'd been using on a few forums when just mucking around and not wanting to use my actual name.  I quite liked Charlie Higson's SwissToni character from the Fast Show, so I just used that.  Blogging, as the real Swiss might have said, was very much like making love to a beautiful woman... or something like that.

There was no way I could have known how much of my life was going to get sucked into blogging and, almost before I knew where I was, I was stuck with an online identity I wasn't massively fond of and I didn't really think there was anything much I could do about it.

Well, I'd like to think I've come a long way since then, both as a blogger and as a person.  I think the time has come for me to grasp the bull by the horns and just get rid of this millstone by changing my online identity.

I'm still not going for my real name, or anything silly like that.  In fact, I'm not moving very far at all.  From today, I'm shifting from "SwissToni" to "Swisslet".  It's a name that I think Lizzie first came up with a few years ago, and it's sort of stuck.  It's not very different, but at least it's all my own.

This blog will stay here, but I likely won't be updating it any more.

Instead, you can join me at Swisslet.com

I've gone and got my own domain and everything, but I've moved all the posts from here over to the new site, so really it will just be more of the same at a new address.  I've taken the opportunity to refresh my antique template too, whilst I'm at it and to generally have a play around to try to freshen things up a bit (although if anyone fancies tweaking my old blog header so that it has the new name on it, then that would be great!)

Mind you, I'll probably still sign all my comments as ST out of sheer force of habit.....

It's not a big deal, but if you could update your links and stuff, that would be lovely.

Just to show how mature the new me really is, I'll even finish with a quote from the Bible without frothing at the mouth in righteous atheist fury.....

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things"

Pfff.

and I'm living for history....

Unnoticed by everyone - including me - this blog turned 5 last week. That first, tentative entry was made on Tuesday 2nd March 2004, and far from being a stunning introduction of my explosive manifesto to the online world, it didn't even have a title. It's not a very interesting post, and I wasn't going to to write posts on an anything like regular basis for another few months yet.... but it was a momentous monent for me in the sense that it was the start of something that has subsequently seen me produce something like 1,417 posts in 1,825 days and signalled the disappearance of the first of God-knows how many hours into the blogosphere. A journey of several hundred thousand words begins with that first post.

I do claim in that first entry that blogging was something that I'd "sort of been thinking about...for ages", but I certainly can't remember now whatever it was that drove me to start or why I chose to use Blogger instead of WordPress or LiveJournal or any of the many other available alternatives. It all too clearly wasn't inspiration. In all honesty, I probably wasn't thinking much at all as I selected a username in haste that I have been stuck with ever since, chose a template that I subsequently haven't bothered to change, and began to write those trivial twitterings about doing the ironing and other nothings.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

And I wonder where my life has gone.

SwissToni: mildly embarrassed purveyor of mundanity online since March 2004.

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Other things that happened on this momentous day in history:

> John Kerry wins the Super Tuesday primaries in California, Connecticut, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New York, Ohio, and Rhode Island and caucus in Minnesota, effectively clinching the nomination.

> The Palestinian Authority's prisoners' affairs ministry states in its monthly statistical report that the number of Palestinian prisoners has risen to around 7,500. Of those 336 are children, 75 female and 943 in need of medical treatment. Of the 166 prisoners who died, 41% died as a result of medical negligence, while 18% died as a result of torture

> NASA announces that Mars rover Opportunity landed in an area where "liquid water once drenched the surface".

> Oregon prepares to begin solemnizing same-sex marriages, after its attorney issues a legal opinion deeming such marriages lawful.

> Bernard Ebbers, ex-CEO of Worldcom, is indicted on three counts of conspiracy for his alleged role in that company's $11 billion accounting scandal in 2002.

> Iraq gets a Bill of Rights, including guarantees of freedom of religion and press, in the form of the Law of Administering the Iraqi State for the Transitional Period

> The European Union imposes additional 5% tariffs on a wide range of goods imported from the United States, such as honey, paper, and nuclear reactors.

> The European Space Agency's Rosetta space probe is successfully launched aboard an Ariane 5 rocket on a mission to investigate the comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko

... oh, so maybe I was the big news story of the day then?

deep....

So, what do you reckon: more in-depth analysis of the geo-political situation in the Caucasus, or should I go back to writing thoughtful commentary on the really important stuff, like pissing in the shower and whatnot?

My conversational range is simply vast....

....and largely wasted as I spend all the time at the parties people are daft enough to invite me to hiding somewhere away from other guests and looking at the books and CDs. And anyway, how many people really want to spend their time at a party listening to someone droning on about Abkhazia?

Still, that's what the internet's for, right?

can I change your mind....?

Remember the Housewives?

You know... they supported The Young Knives in the Rescue Rooms a little while ago? I arrived just in time to see them playing two songs, and had this to say:

"...I only catch the last couple of songs by the Housewives, but it's more than enough. They're a funny looking bunch, for sure, but their guitarist also plays the worst guitar solo I have ever heard in my life - it's so rubbish (probably deliberately so) that I reckon that I would have half a chance of nailing it, and I don't play the guitar. The bassist also sports a haircut that looks a little like an unraveled brushover, which is a touch unfortunate."

It's a bit dismissive, I suppose, and it provoked a mildy hurt comment from the band's bassist, Nick:

"Ah, you didn't like the 'wives... Never mind, you've at least prompted me to get a long-overdue haircut!"

He took the criticism in good part, I thought.

I just got this email from them:

"Ahoy Swiss Toni,

Just thought I'd let you know we're back up in Nottingham to play Audio Montage tomorrow. You should come and see us properly. I've had a haircut and Laurie's practiced his soloing, so you may even enjoy a song or two.

We're on at 9.30pm at the Maze, hopefully we'll see you there...

Cheers, Nick Housewife

--
The Housewives
[mobile phone number here]
http://www.myspace.com/hellohousewives

I think that's really sweet. They've included a mobile phone number and everything! Win over the haters, one at a time!

I'm not sure I can make it to the gig, but I am now determined that I will go and see this band again and give them a fair crack of the whip. Good luck to them, I say..... I now have a definite soft spot for them, and I haven't even been to see them again yet. To be honest, even if they're hopeless, I think I'll still be rooting for them. We British love a good underdog, eh?

Bless.

stepping outside she is free...

Do you remember Wandering Scribe?

Wandering Scribe was the blogger who was homeless and living in her car in a laneway in a wood.

Here's how she described herself:

"Feb, 2006. For the past five months I have been living alone in a car at the edge of the woods — jobless and homeless and totally unable to find a way out of it. I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't scream loudly enough, all I can do is write. So here I am laying down tracks...hopefully the start of an online paper trail out of here."

The thing that grabbed me first about her blog was not her situation (although that seemed remarkable enough) - I was grabbed by the writing. I don't think I have seen any other blog with such a high and sustained level of quality. I was absolutely gripped by it and the way that the author managed to hang onto her dignity in some of the most difficult of circumstances. I particularly remember her description of how she found somewhere to have a shower in the bowels of a faceless hospital. The way she is certain that she looks out of place and will be caught and thrown out, the way she describes the feeling as the hot water cleans her body and helps wash some of the kinks and aches out of her muscles. The way she is completely thrown by a stranger's small talk..... it's desperate stuff, and very moving.

"Parked car in hospital carpark and hurried the long way round, around the back, into the toilets, where had a long, hot shower and hairwash. Been going there to wash for months now. Most days it's easy to slip in unseen among all the patients and visitors and doctors and nurses hurrying urgently about up and down the corridors. It's like a small city, with its own laws and rules, all those smells and sounds. In my head I try to imagine I am rushing in there to visit someone who has just been rushed in — which could account for my just-jumped-out-of-the-wrong-side-of-bed look. People seem to make allowances for that in a hospital, don't stare so much, or judge.

I weave in and out among all the moving trolleys and wheelchairs and stunned-looking patients in dressing gowns shuffling about attached to drips. Make my way, fox-like, down to the toilets with the showers in — threading my way through the crowd, head down, the way I see the foxes do at night, slinking in wet through the trees. Some mornings it is busier than others, often it's like walking into an episode of Casualty. Would be easy to imagine myself as an extra, part of the crowd scene. But don't allow myself to think like that, slipping off into fantasies — dangerous thinking.

Though it's getting more and more difficult to merge into the crowd unnoticed these days. Lots of the staff seem to recognise me now, and must know I'm not working or visiting — walking in there creased and unwashed first thing in the morning — or at least every other morning — dishevelled, disorientated, more and more down at hill. Nowadays they give me very hostile, cold looks, or the two black security men who tower above most of the others follow me with cold, suspicious eyes, which makes me want to break down and cry. Which is what everybody seems to want to do, break me down, get me into a loony bin. But I won't be broken, I am not mad, and I will not be made to go mad."

Wandering Scribe was "discovered" by the media and was featured in a number of high profile places like the BBC News website (here and here)and the New York Times. Inevitably, the trolls soon appeared and seemed to make it their mission to crush her. I have never seen such a sustained campaign of hatred against anyone on the internet. They took this to sometimes extraordinary lengths and seemed hellbent on destruction. It was horrible to watch, but I felt powerless to help. Maybe she was a fraud, but even if she was, would she deserve all that vitriol?

I left supportive comments and sent the odd email of solidarity, but it really didn't feel like much, and before long she seemed to be drawn back into her shell. Updates to the blog became less frequent and comments were disabled.

I was worried, but Wandering Scribe's life was changing. There was a book deal and enough money to move away from the laneway and into a flat. There was a story to write.

Well, that story was published yesterday.



...and bless her heart, it turns out that my occasional comments and my ridiculous profile picture cheered her up from time to time. She emailed me to tell me that she's sending me a copy of her book. It's a lovely gesture, but I would have gone out to go and buy it anyway. This girl is talented and she has a story to tell.

Seriously.

Well done Anya. Here's to the next chapter.

you should have known by now you were on my list....

Last week, I was in charge of the shortlist over at Post of the Week. It's not a very difficult job, and really just involves reading all of the nominated posts in a week and deciding which ones should be added onto the shortlist for judging. It was a good week, and I think the shortlist of seven contained some interesting and varied posts... all of which I was glad to have read. It did make me think though that I really should be nominating more posts each week. I don't nominate enough posts. In fact, I think I've nominated one blog. Once.

I looked at that long list of all those blogs that I link to on the right-hand side of this page. There are a lot of good writers listed in there; people with interesting lives and with lots of interesting things to say. Surely there's a Post of the Week waiting to happen in there somewhere?

And then it hit me: I've been spending so much time writing posts that I haven't really taken enough time or trouble to read some posts.

It's been a long time since I just spent an evening reading instead of writing.

So if you'll excuse me....

And then I’ll tell you some more about me...

Because blogging is an inherently narcissistic activity, I realise that what follows is a slightly ridiculous statement.... but I do feel as though this blog has been a bit self-indulgent over the last few days. Although I write here mostly for my own entertainment, I do always try to bear a potential audience in mind. I deliberately do not blog about everything that happens in my life. Not all of it is very interesting, for starters: my job takes up 40-odd hours of my life every week, but I choose not to write about it very much here because it's basically dull.... it's dull for me to write about, and it would certainly be dull to read.

There are also some things I don't blog about because I don't really want to talk about them here. Some of these things are personal things: about my relationship with C, about my family, about my friends.... Perhaps this means that I come across as something of a closed book. I hope not. I try to be as open as possible and I like to think that reading this blog gives you a decent insight into the kind of person that I am. If you were to meet me, I hope that you'd feel that what you see here is what you get.

With that in mind, it's been a slightly strange experience for me to be writing up and publishing all those long posts about our trip to Ecuador. It's not that I think that it's not interesting per se, it's just that I can't help but feel that it's probably just a bit much for the passing reader. Too. Much. Detail. A summary post and a link to the photos would probably have been more than enough.

Well, I thought about it. In the end, I decided that I wanted a record of the things that we did and the places that we visited. I hope that it's interesting for you to read, but it's there because it gives me pleasure to write about the things that we did... it's helping to soften the blow of being back at work.

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And if that isn't enough about me already.... I went back to hospital this afternoon for another MRI scan of my brain and cervical spinal cord. My last scan was in August 2005, so it's probably long overdue we had another look inside Brian to see what he's been up to - especially as I have possibly been experiencing some new symptoms. Last time, I got to take a CD with me (and duly took a specially made -- and extremely mournful -- compilation). This time around, although I was armed with a homemade Smiths compilation and "Central Reservation" by Beth Orton, I didn't get asked if I had brought a CD with me. I was, however, offered a choice of:
"Classical, Pop, Norah Jones"
What a choice. Like any sane person, I opted for the latter. It seemed the safest choice under the circumstances as most classical music makes me break out in a sweat, and "pop" is so wide a category as to run a dreadful risk of being trapped listening to some awful shite for an hour. So I picked Norah Jones, and very soothing it was too. Music for dinner parties? Pah! Music for MRI scans, I say.

I'll probably get the results in the next couple of weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that a good result for me would be for the neurologist to tell me that nothing much has changed since 2005.... it would be good, but it would also be slightly depressing. It's the not knowing that is the hardest about the WTs. It's the not knowing what they are, if they will get any better or if I am on the long, slow slide into something else. A positive diagnosis would put my mind to rest in some ways, but it's not something I should be in any hurry for.

I tried fishing with the ladies who were operating the machinery to see if they could give me a heads-up on whether or not things had changed in there (they had my old scans as a reference).... but I got nothing out of them at all. Annoyingly, when I was in the tube, they left the little microphone they use to check that you are okay switched on and I heard a tantalising snippet of a conversation about "white spots", which is exactly what we do don't want to see lots of in the scan. But that was all I heard! Were there lots of them on the screen or were they just looking at the one that we know is already there? I suppose I'll find out in a couple of weeks.

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In other medical news, my dad was taken back into hospital with severe abdominal pain on Sunday morning. As we were supposed to be having Sunday lunch with my parents on the way back from Oxford, we were able to pop into the hospital and say hello. Hospitals aren't happy places in general, and it's really not very nice seeing your father on morphine, lying on a trolley and attached to a drip in a side room in accident & emergency.

The good news is that he was discharged from hospital on Monday and is now back at home and feeling fine. They think that the pain was caused by a twisted gut that has managed to unravel itself. Apparently rummaging around in your alimentary canal and surgically removing a major organ can cause all kinds of disruption down there.

Let's hope that's all it was and that it never comes back, eh?

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So. A nice long post that isn't about Ecuador at all but is still basically all about me.

I'm sure you've got problems too.

Ever thought of starting a blog?