52% intelligent. 9% modest. More monkey than bear.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

and I could write a song a hundred miles long...

Right then, competition time kids.

Ever fancied yourself as a songwriter? Ever fancied sitting back in your mansion with your movie star wife as the royalties come rolling in? Of course you have. If Noel Gallagher can do it, how hard can it be?

Here is your challenge:

You may have noticed that all Coldplay songs are basically the same: there's a whole lot of wondering and questioning, things are broken and can't be fixed, puzzles are missing pieces... that kind of thing.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write your own Coldplay song.

As always, there is an excellent prize - the honour of picking the title for a post on this blog.

Here's my entry:

"Things Are a Bit Shit Now (But It'll Be Alright)"

I'd like to play with you-ooo-ooo
Monopoly or Clue-ooo-do
But I cannot get past Go (oh-oh)
And Professor Plum has gone
What's right has now gone wrong.

ooooooh, yeah
ooooooh, yeah

Things are a bit shit now
But it'll be alright
(it'll be alright)

....and so on.

Over to you, and feel free to take the piss as much as you like. For heaven's sake don't spend too long on it, or before you know where you are, you'll be all serious, wearing black and writing slogans on your hand.


Tomorrow, we draw a line under Glastonbury 2005 with Ben from Silent Words Speak Loudest giving us his Festival Earworms.



  • At 10:40 pm, Blogger HistoryGeek said…

    Being only slightly familiar with Coldplay, I don't know that my song will be appropriate, but I tried to stay within the parameters laid out...

    A Time in Life

    There's a time
    in this life
    when you just want to find
    some peace from strife.

    Time goes by.
    Things all change.
    Will we say good-bye,
    or will we re-arrange?

    There are times
    in this world
    when the oyster
    holds no pearl.


    These times
    are just like rhymes -
    sometimes they suck,
    but, what the fuck!


    I'm sure I'll be famous.

  • At 10:54 pm, Blogger Damo said…

    "It's Christmas Time, there's no need to be afraid..."

    I'll get me coat.

  • At 11:12 pm, Blogger Flash said…

    So you kicked your jigsaw off the table /
    You want to laugh it off but you're unable/
    The world feels like it's closing in/
    Let my soft caring voice lift you from the bin

    Smile through your tears
    face up to your fears
    Work up through the gears
    & open up your ears

    If you cant shake the mood from your lonely cranium/
    Come & have a singsong in a northern stadium/
    The stars will sparkle in the skies above/
    as 20000 hearts all share the love


    Will that do-ooooo?
    Tell me will that do-oooo?
    Does it sound hopefull yet blue-ooh?
    Does it make you go: OO-OOOh?


    That concludes the entry from Flashland.
    Nil points?

  • At 11:49 pm, Blogger Mark said…

    when what is wrong
    can't be fixed
    the question asked
    is what this is?
    what does it mean
    to exist?
    in the middle of life
    comes an if

    and I will try
    all that i can
    to live a life
    be the best I can
    to make trade fair
    to make it all alright
    its not a crime to care
    in this life

    when you are the missing piece
    the jigsaw cannot be complete
    cut through the commute
    to find the truth
    we all want a world a peace
    and I will try
    to save us

    love is broken
    but i dream
    when i sleep
    it could be real
    hope my religion
    you my ambition
    we are one
    invincible together
    stronger than alone
    we will conquer
    this life

    and I will try
    all that i can
    to live a life
    be the best I can
    to make trade fair
    to make it all alright
    its not a crime to care
    in this life

  • At 11:51 pm, Blogger Mark said…

    and a burlesque extrapolation of Coldplay without any obvious piss takey words. btw.

  • At 9:10 am, Blogger Teresa Bowman said…

    You people are all forgetting to add the essential "Singing out ..." at the beginning of the odd line. And to lace each chorus with loads of "ooooooh-aaaaaahhh-yeaaaahhh", etc etc etc.

    There are certain bands whose songs practically write themselves. I'm fairly sure all Idlewild songs contain the lyrics "Is it [something] or is it [something else]." And let us not forget dear old Brett Anderson and his incessant talk of dogs, lovers, streets, trash/litter/some other form of refuse ...

  • At 9:18 am, Blogger swisslet said…

    Ok Bee, but where's your entry then, eh?

  • At 9:42 am, Blogger John McClure said…

    Another quintessenial ingredient being neglected is the rhyming of words with themselves, e.g.:

    "What if I got it wrong
    And no poem or song
    Could put right what I got wrong
    And make me feel I belong?"

    My entry will be along shortly, but I am chosing to neglect your advice not to spend too much time on it.

  • At 10:24 am, Blogger LB said…

    this is for all dads, including Gay Dad and "My Two Dads"...

    Wires Run Somwehere Only We Know

    We write the tunes like “Talk” and “Yellow”
    That win a Brit, an Ivor Novello
    The piano-led sound of “Don’t Panic” and “Trouble”
    And we looked up at night to the stars and the Hubble

    And then as we had created this sound
    Everything wasn’t lost, a solution we’d found
    Along came this busload of soundalike guys
    Who wrote songs as we did, like “Shiver” and “Spies”

    I’ve tried a different sound but I can’t get it right
    bits of "White Shadows" sound like Athlete's "Half Light"
    and all these others that are now on the scene
    I'm bent and I'm broken and I'm sounding like Keane

    I feel the tears running down my face
    as I realise we sound just like Embrace
    I'll sing it one last time before I go
    oh, now we sound like Snow Patrol

    [sing out, ooooooooooooooh, yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh, ooooooooooooooooooooooh, yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

  • At 10:28 am, Blogger swisslet said…

    I almost forgot to mention - Lord B and I stopped off at an out of town retail park after footie yesterday (so he could pick up some stuff for his nipper). As we were about to go our seperate ways, we were just discussing our plan for getting off to see Coldplay in Bolton on Monday (what time are we leaving, and so on....). As we were doing this, we were accosted by a woman who had just come out of Argos and was about to get into her white van.

    "When are Coldplay touring?"
    "er... next week"
    "Where are they playing"
    "um, Bolton... and some other places"
    "brilliant....any tickets left"
    "there might be"

    and so on.

    I suppose it's one way you can measure the success of a band.... when Argos shoppers are into you, then you've hit the mass markets.


    (I'm also currently fuming because James Blunt is playing Rock City in October, and he sold out straight after his Glastonbury appearance... and guess what? They're all on bloody Ebay at twice face price already. Bastards.)

  • At 11:47 am, Blogger Damo said…

    Who is this James Blunt guy? I don't know a thing about him and all of a sudden he has all these big sold out shows (including one in Bristol)...

  • At 12:23 pm, Blogger John McClure said…

    We Thought We Knew (ew)

    I typed it on a keyboard
    At work because I was bored
    Of sucking up to the board
    A hole into my head bored

    My hopes and dreams snapped in two
    Left standing in my tu-tu
    My love has wandered off too
    Revoked my right to use "tu"

    We all thought we knew ew ew
    That everything was new ew ew
    We knew, but did we know oh oh?
    I don't think so, no.
    oh oh

    I promised not to sing 'pain'
    Or ever rhyme it with 'pane'
    But my intentions weren't plain
    Up there aboard that fast plane

    We all thought we knew ew ew
    That everything was new ew ew
    We knew, but did we know oh oh?
    I don't think so, no.
    oh oh

    [instrumental + crazy frog joke]

    Across the world I flew ew
    Smoke up a chimney flue ew
    We knew, but did we know oh?
    I don't think so
    no no no
    oh oh oh

  • At 1:37 pm, Blogger Damo said…

    >[instrumental + crazy frog joke]


  • At 4:46 pm, Blogger red one said…

    You should've asked in June
    I would have given you the moon
    Sing out oh yeah yeah etc
    Sing out oh yeah yeah etc

    There's always one more cliche
    to unleash, eh?
    Sing out oh yeah yeah etc
    Sing out oh yeah yeah etc

    OK, I'm bored now.


  • At 10:37 pm, Blogger Damo said…

    Smash the state
    Storm the barriers
    Your chains are imaginary

    Turn your mother in
    She is against the cause
    Join us comrades


    I'm not sure if I'm getting this quite right.

  • At 6:52 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As a new fan of Coldplay, I don't know how well this will turn out. Lots of ohhhing, ahhing and abstract statements, I think...

    'If Only'

    The sun has set on another day,
    I want to go back to the beginning,
    Everything’s gonna be okay,
    Everything’s gonna be alright,
    If I could only go back to the beginning.

    If only I could tell you what you were to me
    If only I could change what I did ohhhhhh
    If only I could tell you what you did for me
    If only I could go back. ohhhhhh

    Before the sun rises
    Before it all begins again
    I want to tell you what you were,
    I want to tell you what you did


    It will be okay,
    I’ll stop guessing,
    I’ll stop remembering,
    If only I had told you
    If only I hadn’t lost you
    If only I had told you

    Chorus followed by drum/guitar instrumental

    I never found you ooooouuuuuuu
    I never found you, oooooouuuuuuu
    I never told you, ohhhhhouuuuu
    I never told you. ohhhhhouuuuuuuu

  • At 9:34 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've just become a fa-a-an
    of Cold Play and "yer ma-a-an"
    who calls himself "Swiss Toe-o-nee"
    but really is a pho-o-nee.
    I thought you were so ug-lee ee
    until I met you ree-cently.
    The wig and tash are fake you see
    and without them --he's love-el-ee

    The wine is kicking in!!

    Your wet suit on your blaw-aw-og
    will look great in the cat-a-logue.
    I must go now and walk the dog

    and try to sober up!!

    I'll walk down by the sea-ee-ee
    and make a cup of tee-ee-ee
    good-bye from John's mum-ee-ee
    and so-on and on-and -on!!


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