I regularly hurt but never say
I wouldn't say that I was a creature of habit, but my routine has definitely been upset. Why? Because C. left yesterday afternoon to spend a week on business in Hong Kong and China. On the face of it, this is great because it gives me a few days to do what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want and go to bed when I want (most of which I do anyway, but you know what I mean). After about ten minutes though, I realised that it wasn't going to work out like that.
I think I'm moping.
Let me explain. I'm an introvert; I derive a lot of my energy and stimulation from within myself. That's not necessarily the same thing as enjoying spending time on my own. In fact, I like having people around me, and I draw enormous comfort from having C. in the same room, even if we aren't actually talking (and actually, talking sometimes ruins the calm for me - I like to spend my time reading or blogging or something, and sometimes I don't actually want the engagement of a conversation). This can be frustrating to an extrovert like C., and I must often seem very withdrawn, but it's the way I am.
When I'm on my own, no sooner do I settle down to do something, than my mind starts to wander onto what I could be doing next. As soon as the thought is in my head, I can't sit still and have this unbearable urge to go and do it. I'll sit down to watch a DVD and I'll have to get up to make a cup of tea, or to get my bag ready for work, or to get the laptop, or whatever..... I just can't settle. Yesterday I did okay, I think. C. left at about 6pm, and after that I managed to read an entire book, cook my tea and watch a couple of episodes of Seinfeld before heading off to bed. This evening I'm not doing quite so well. I got home from work a little after 7pm, cooked and ate a pizza, pootled around the internet reading a few blogs and so on. And now? I think I might go to bed and read a book. It's 9pm! That's about 3 hours earlier than my normal routine.
I miss her.
I've also been listening to 'Leaders of the Free World' by Elbow, which - great album though it is - probably hasn't helped my mood...
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I've got 6 bookcase pics so far, but I'm still on the lookout for more please......
I think I'm moping.
Let me explain. I'm an introvert; I derive a lot of my energy and stimulation from within myself. That's not necessarily the same thing as enjoying spending time on my own. In fact, I like having people around me, and I draw enormous comfort from having C. in the same room, even if we aren't actually talking (and actually, talking sometimes ruins the calm for me - I like to spend my time reading or blogging or something, and sometimes I don't actually want the engagement of a conversation). This can be frustrating to an extrovert like C., and I must often seem very withdrawn, but it's the way I am.
When I'm on my own, no sooner do I settle down to do something, than my mind starts to wander onto what I could be doing next. As soon as the thought is in my head, I can't sit still and have this unbearable urge to go and do it. I'll sit down to watch a DVD and I'll have to get up to make a cup of tea, or to get my bag ready for work, or to get the laptop, or whatever..... I just can't settle. Yesterday I did okay, I think. C. left at about 6pm, and after that I managed to read an entire book, cook my tea and watch a couple of episodes of Seinfeld before heading off to bed. This evening I'm not doing quite so well. I got home from work a little after 7pm, cooked and ate a pizza, pootled around the internet reading a few blogs and so on. And now? I think I might go to bed and read a book. It's 9pm! That's about 3 hours earlier than my normal routine.
I miss her.
I've also been listening to 'Leaders of the Free World' by Elbow, which - great album though it is - probably hasn't helped my mood...
----
I've got 6 bookcase pics so far, but I'm still on the lookout for more please......
posted by swisslet @ 20:58
15 Comments:
At 9:40 pm,
Michael said…
After reading your description of your views on being an introvert, I now know there is at least one other person in the world who is like me in those respects.
At 10:11 pm,
HistoryGeek said…
I'm one of those freaks who straddles the introvert/extrovert border. I can so relate to wanting someone around. I end up watching far more television than I probably should.
I hope things go well for the rest of the time C is away!
At 11:35 pm,
bytheseashore said…
I know what you mean as I tend towards introversion. It's odd though that a house can feel completely different with another person in it, even if you don't see or talk to them for prolonged periods (in a good way).
Hope the week doesn't last too long for you.
At 12:56 am,
Jenni said…
Sounds as though you are in for a long week, my friend. I'll be expecting top blog posts, though, what with you being so well rested. :)
It's curious that you all say you are somewhat introverted. Do you think bloggers generally are introverted or has it just been a skewed sample thus far?
At 1:40 am,
LB said…
it is almost the thing I miss the most. Having someone around the house, even if they're at the other end of it, so you get someone else you can make a cup of tea for.
sigh.
it's lonely being on your own, sometimes. Despite how great you tell yourself it might be. Making all your own decisions only gets you so far...
At 5:39 am,
Aravis said…
I'm another introvert, only I'm completely happy on my own. I don't often miss Randy while he's at work, though I'm always glad to welcome him home again. And I can go on trips without him and be fine, though usually I'm with family or a friend when I go so I'm not really alone. That being said, the one time he went away on a business trip without me, I missed him horribly.
I hope the next fews day go quickly for you, ST!
At 10:50 am,
Damo said…
Heh. Leaders of the Free World is a wonderful record. But it's also a breakup album. I should dig out some Chas and Dave for this week...
At 12:02 pm,
Me said…
I'm impressed you packed so much into your evening the night before this post. What entire book did you manage to read before doing all that other stuff?
At 12:21 pm,
red one said…
Ah, Swiss, why don't you go out? Pub, cheap meal, something like that. There's nothing lonlier than being in the presence of someone's absence, if you see what I mean. It's quite different to being on your own in the normal run of things.
red
At 1:11 pm,
swisslet said…
Damo - I put on the first Ben Folds Five album after Elbow, and that was much more cheery.
Mike - the entire book I read was "Ashes 2005" by Gideon Haigh. It's a blow-by-blow account of this summer's mesmerising cricket, and very entertaining it was too.
Red - I'll try and get out of the house tonight and get off to the pub quiz or something.
ST
At 1:40 pm,
Flash said…
See I'm quite a social beast who thrives on interaction, despite that I love being on my own so long as I have projects.
At 2:50 pm,
red one said…
You going round Fox's tomorrow then, Swiss? There's some sort of surprise in store...
red
At 4:57 pm,
John McClure said…
I say stop moping and start mopping. It'll take your mind off the lonliness and you'll get Brownie points when C gets back!
At 11:29 pm,
Ali said…
I love being on my own, although I do miss W/P when he's away, as jokes tend to fall rather flat when told to the thin air.
Cheer up Swissty, she'll be back before you know it.
At 12:01 am,
Turners in the Country said…
I think you descibed perfectly the kind of introvert I find myself to be as well: the kind that enjoys doing things on their own, but in the company of others. We are certainly difficult people to understand for those that aren't like us!
I even find that when my dog is away for a few days the whole balance of my place is thrown off. I guess it's just that comfort of having someone else around, even if it's only an animal.
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