kicking, screaming, gucci little piggy...

Apparently a “senior government minister” will be visiting my office next week. Unfortunately, I’ll be away on holiday when this momentous event happens, and to be honest I couldn’t care less which of that horrible den of worthless tossers turns up to have his arse kissed by various toadying senior managers. What did make me laugh though is the disruption that this visit will cause. Here are a few snippets from the announcement on the company intranet:

-> Parking will be severely restricted and several car parks will be closed for the whole day. This includes the disabled parking.

-> All desks must be kept completely clear and all desk draws and filing cabinets must be left unlocked from the night before so that they can ALL be searched before the visit

-> For the duration of the day, there will only be one way in and out of the building (for several thousand people)

-> Security and the Police will be manning this entrance and carrying out searches of both people and bags. Expect to queue.

-> The canteen will stop serving food at 1pm

-> The VIP will make a guest appearance at a special company briefing at 2pm (although the time is subject to last minute change)

…and so on.

It all sounds like a monumental pain in the arse to me, all for the chance of being “inspired” by the mere presence of such greatness.

I’m desperately hoping that it’s John Prescott. I would dearly love the symbol of all that is rotten with this Government turning up to wave gracefully at the prostrate masses and to pass on his benedictions on the future success of the company before swanning off in his Jaguar to a swanky corporate dinner somewhere. The mental image of the smug fatcats in charge of this company debasing themselves in their haste to grovel before the great fat tit is a very pleasing one.

Unfortunately, I hear Tony Blair is in Nottingham next week, so I imagine it will be him. Perhaps he’ll lead the company in prayer at 2pm?

What’s the official form of address for the Prime Minister again?

“Yo! Blair!”

It’s all so tedious. Still, the next election campaign won’t fund itself, will it?

Like I said.... it's just a shame I won't be here to see it.