52% intelligent. 9% modest. More monkey than bear.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

got a devil's haircut in my mind...

Call me a reactionary if you must, but I find myself physically offended by McFly.

It's not just because they are a boy band masquerading as a "real band" (look! they've got guitars and everything!), although that is a pretty good reason. Manufactured shite. And I don't care how much anyone likes their single in support of comic relief....

Anyway. That's not the reason they make me want to throw up everytime I see them. No. That's mainly because of their haircuts. What the hell is going on there? Some sort of short/long, spikey, bleached MULLET, that's what. They're bloody mullets!

Ah, the mullet. The haircut that dared not speak its name for most of the last 20 years, and suddenly they are EVERYWHERE. What happened? When did it become acceptable? Why are men suddenly going into a hairdresser and asking for the haircut that time forgot?

Well, here's one reason:

This preening clown has pretty much single-handedly made it okay for men to walk into a salon (not a barber, a salon) and ask for a hair-do. With colouring and stuff. Walk past one next time you are in a town centre - what was once the domain of old ladies and their purple rinses is now filled with every chav-about-town with silver foil on his hair and his head in a giant drying machine. I had a friend pay Toni & Guy £55 for the privilege of giving him a number 4 all over. £55 for a clipper job? That's more than the clippers cost. I would be astonished if there was a hairdresser in the land who doesn't get down on their knees and thank God for David Beckham every day of the week. If they don't, they bloody well should.

Mind you. If there is anything that can be said in this defence, at least there has always been a healthy tradition of this kind of fashion disaster in the football world:

Ah.... Chrissy Waddle. Pretty much the finest exponent of Mullet Art outside of Germany (for surely it's not so much a haircut as performance art?)

This abomination was much to be found in the music industry as well for much of the 1980s (not least with Waddle & Hoddle's "Diamond Lights").

Here's another fine example:

This one is notable for it's sheer length from top to tail - it's like a giant bird plume. (One of the first albums I ever bought was "The Riddle", you know....it's a classic, although I was devastated to read the other day that Nik Kershaw had revealed that it was "nonsense" and there was no answer to the Riddle. I didn't sit puzzling over the lyrics or anything, it just would have been nice if it had a deeper meaning. Maybe it's all literal, and somewhere there IS a tree by a river near a hole in the ground, and the old man of iron really does go around and around....)

I don't think that Nik Kershaw is the real inspiration behind the McFly barnet though. Oh no. Not by a long shot:

It has to be Limahl doesn't it? Only Limahl has the same ambitious combination of spikes, long hair/short hair and a badger dye job.

This haircut has been ridiculed for YEARS. How has it wriggled its way back into the mainstream? I just don't get it. There were loads of them at the Athlete gig last week as well.

Waste of hair if you ask me.


  • At 9:21 am, Blogger Bee said…

    Nik Kershaw was one of my first popstar crushes. Despite the mullet.

  • At 9:32 am, Blogger Lord Bargain said…

    you're getting old.

    embrace the change you miserable old git....

  • At 10:02 am, Blogger SwissToni said…

    you've been waiting 20 years for this haircut to come back into fashion, haven't you?

    Admit it - you're growing one, are you not?


  • At 12:50 pm, Blogger Soaring said…

    Yes, I totally agree, it leaves me with a particularly unpalatable taste in my mouth and a disgusted expression - very much like the one I use when expressing outrage at the smell of unearthly blue cheese eminating from my housemate's shelf in the refrigerator.

  • At 3:38 pm, Blogger Jenni said…

    I know there used to be a whole website devoted to pictures of mullets. They even had names for all the different kinds of mullets. It's the bad hair cut that just won't die.

    BTW, if Lord Bargain grows a mullet, I want pictures. :)

  • At 3:38 pm, Blogger thomkat said…

    McFly offend me too. I can't fathom why teenage girls scream and faint. I mean, I could almost understand it, if even despite the total lack of talent, any were vaguely good-looking and therefore deserving of one-track teenage hysteria. But as far as I can see, and however much as I squint and try to imagine being a teenager again, I'm sorry, but they're a bunch of ugly f#@kers. No talent and no looks - I just don't understand the hype.

  • At 4:05 pm, Blogger Lord Bargain said…

    Dougie is alright. (eh? oh.)

    ST, it is not a mullet. you are equating any hairstyle that involves "longer hair" with a mullet and the two things are by no means the same.

    Although I am a bit worried that it is going a bit Chris Waddle-like, now I look carefully....

  • At 4:06 pm, Blogger SwissToni said…

    Jenni - Lord B has a history with this haircut.... he is so excited about its return to fashion that he has **already** started cultivating one - a nice bouffant one, at that.


  • At 4:49 pm, Blogger Aravis said…

    ST, if that is truly the case then LB requires an immediate intervention... *G*

  • At 5:18 pm, Blogger Mark said…

    Graham has a similar argument. He insists a mullet must be at least 2.5 times longer at the back than on the top of the head. That was because he had long, awful hair once. Excuses, tsk. There is no justification for looking like a 80's footballer.

  • At 7:51 pm, Blogger ADAMANT said…

    Think McFly, Think!


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