it's so intense that I can't explain, all alone in my white-boy pain...

I suppose I'm feeling a bit blue today. In the aftermath of my visit to the consultant, I have been talking to various people who are all concernced about my health and wellbeing, and they are all of course relieved that I now pretty much know what is going on and that I should be okay. It is really nice to know that people care - thanks for your comments and for your concern. I really appreciate it.

So why am I down? I think part of it is that I feel like I am in limbo: although I have been to see the specialist and I know what's wrong with me, I won't know the full extent of it or how it can be treated until I have had the MRI scan, and in the meantime I still have the symptoms: the generalised numbness and loss of sensation. It's not so bad, and I went out for a long (gentle) run yesterday to work out some of the cobwebs from my muscles and from my mind, and I'm planning on a gentle swim tonight to ease out some of the tightness in my lumbar spine - something I've suffered from for about 10 years now, and was the reason for my last MRI scan back in 1996.

I suppose Sundays are always a little bit like this: the pleasure of a lazy day is always tempered by the knowledge that it's back to work in the morning. I'm just feeling it a little worse than usual today.

I formally withdrew from the triathlon last night - by letting them know that I won't be racing, I should have a place in next year's race guaranteed. It was surprisingly hard to send the email once I had written it. There's no way I would have been racing next weekend, but it was still hard to push that button and make that decision final. Later on today I have to go out to Decathlon to pick up my bike from the workshop where it was having its pre-race tune up. This won't be wasted, because I have discovered that having a proper road bike has made cycle training so much more enjoyable and I will keep that up. I also want to make sure the bike is in good condition in case John decides to use it in the race next week (it's newer and lighter than his bike). Still. It's hard.

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I finished 'Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince' this morning. This is book 6 out of a planned 7, and I approached it with some trepidation because I found books 4 and 5 to be overlong, poorly edited and pretty unconvincing. I tell you what though - this one is pretty good. Very dark and also quite a lot more adult. Not quite up to the standards Philip Pullman set with 'His Dark Materials', but actually pretty impressive and I find myself in the surprising position of actually looking forward to the concluding installment. Hats off to JK Rowling.

It's either 'V for Vendetta' by Alan Moore or 'Yes Man' by Danny Wallace next, I think.

I'm going to pick up the album by the Editors when I go shopping today, and also pop into the cinema for a bit of brainless superhero fun with "The Fantastic Four". If either of those cheer me up as much as coming face to face with a bold little squirrel on our street as I walked back from picking up some lunch, we'll be doing well... he actually hopped over to me and eyeballed me from a distance of about two foot as I was crouched down beckoning to him. He soon hopped off, but he left me smiling.