no regime can buy or sell me....

Hello. As a kind of public service announcement, I think that I should warn you right now that what follows is probably the most sadistic list of earworms ever yet submitted in this slot. I cannot be held responsible for what it does to the inside of your head over the next few days. Read on at your own risk. You have been warned.

Right?

Ok then. Let's go.

This week's Guest Editor is the single best reason for ever having been a bookcrosser. She's the most fabulous, generous and good-natured person I think it has ever been my good fortune to meet via the internet (and in the flesh). Rather a lot has happened to to her since she last appeared in this slot (which, to be fair, was back in August 2005, by my reckoning).... she's moved to Ireland to be with her man and is now pregnant. Hurray!

Ladies and gentleworms, without further ado, it is my great honour to introduce for your earworming pleasure.....

Earworms of the Week - Guest Editor #83 - YokoSpungeon

It's 1.42am on Friday 11th April 2008. It is dark, I am sound asleep, the gentle snores of my beloved partner lull me rhythmically, and the earworms are out in full force. One is especially persistent, I dream it over and over, almost as though it's trying to TELL ME SOMETHING.

"...2 make this cruel, cruel world hear what we've got to say
Put the right letters together and make a better day
Yeah, yeah, yeah, better days
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh-Oh-Oh-Kaaaaaaay..."

HOLY CRAP!
THE EARWORMS!
*sits bolt upright in bed*
I haven't typed the fecking earworms...

Yes, dear friends of Swissty, this is how it feels to be pregnant (this is how it feels to be small, this is how it feels when the world means nothing at all). AARGH STOP! But seriously. You have heard of the phenomenon of 'pregnancy brain' where the hapless woman suddenly supposedly becomes vague and forgetful as a result of the hormones in her system? It happened to me! (many times a day). But in this instance, I have had the earworms scrawled down for many days. All I had to do was remember to type them by Thursday...cue the midnight typing session.

Anyway, on with the show!

I moved to Ireland permanently in December, and between trying to get settled in and seeing the two lines on the wee test, there have been very few additions to the music collection. (Well, there were a few, but they were from service station garages, and *la *la* I couldn't tell you what they were now, I have forgotten.) Anyway, point being - the earworms listed here are not some ace tracks I have compiled from the great new stuff to which I have been exposed, they are the REAL thing, from TV, local radio, and in some cases, people singing nearby. This means they are particularly powerful examples, so ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO LISTEN HERE! They are deadly, terrible, wicked earworms.

1. Prince - Alphabet Street

"Oh yeah - de-dum-dum-dum" - Yesterday our tickets arrived to see Prince at Croke Park. Although he's not someone I have a massive craving to see, especially whlst resembling a barrel that needs to wee a lot - it seemed like a great idea when we saw the ad in the paper back when the stomach was still of one with me. On opening the envelope, and several subsequent times today, my other half did his uncannily realistic "Oh yeah - de-dum-dum-dum" - which is from Sign 'O the Times. Nonethless, it has been Alphabet Street which this has inexplicably provoked instead in my addled bonce. Only the bits I wrote in the intro, mind you, then that's your lot! "Oh-Oh-Oh-Kaaaaaaay..."

2. Domenico Modingo - (Nel blue di pinto di) Volare

One of the occupational hazards of being pregnant is night waking. I have become an afficionado of Hart to Hart and Columbo, both of which are on between 3 and 5am. There is one episode of Columbo that I must have seen 3 times lately, your man is on a cruise ship with his missus, when the ship's singer/entertainer gets it in the back with a pistol. In her big performance, she is singing this song. It is a BEAST of an earworm, stays with you for WEEKS. Just when you think you've shaken it off...

"Volare, oh oh!
E contare, oh oh oh oh!
No wonder my happy heart sings!
Your love has given me wings!"
No wonder she got shot.

3. Tori Amos - Northern Lad

I love Tori Amos, and her delivery in this song is awesome. Quite why this song made an appearance is a mystery, but these bits are never far from playing on my indoor jukebox: "Had a northern lad / not exactly hip* / He moved like the sunset / God who painted that?" (This is what I hear, though the actual lyrics may differ!) and "Don't say that you Don't...And if you could see me now".

4. Kylie Minogue - Two Hearts

I have a great soft spot for Kylie, but recently read somewhere that she had had facial cosmetic surgical intervention of some type, which profoundly upset me for some reason. She is the same age as me, and I have always held her as someone who was looking good for her age without all that nonsense, just like me, LOL. (How naive can you get?!)

Still, this song of hers has been on the radio a few times lately and it's been stuck in my head ever since my 12 week scan. Why? "Two hearts are beating together (get it?) I'm in love! WOOOH! I'm in lo-oove WOOOOOOOH!" For earworm realism here, imagine the WOOOH!s getting ever more maniacal and psychotic sounding in my brain. I sometimes do them out loud whilst washing up to try to purge them. It doesn't help, but the builders working next door enjoy the spectacle I'm sure...

5. Joe Dolan - You're Such A Good Looking Woman

Joe Dolan is the Irish Tom Jones. This song features at every family get together - the Irish equivalent of 'Delilah' perhaps? Nonetheless, it is a cracking cheesy old song. It was sad that very soon after moving here, Joe Dolan died very suddenly. Nothing to do with me, I might add. A most pernicious earworm! The first one that made it to this list, in fact.

6. Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Dancin'!

We were on our way to the ferry to visit blighty, and this came on the car radio from some godforsaken radio outpost in the middle of nowhere. In the dark, with no competition, it took on an eerie awesomeness, and we temporarily saw Sayer as the thwarted puppet of some music industry conspiracy - he should have been the next Jackson 5. How did he sing that falsetto? Woah...

7. Ronnie Drew - The Auld Triangle

This is where the integration into life in Ireland began. Very early days here, I came into the room whilst the other half had a documentary on about Ronnie Drew, of whom I had never heard. There was old footage of him singing this as a young man. It got right inside me and stirred me all up. The song is about a prisoner on his last day of life before execution...
"And the old triangle, went jing-le jang-le, All along the banks of the Royaaaaaaal Canal."
I have since walked along the banks of the Royal Canal, driven past them in the car, and whenever I have any sort of reminder of them, this song returns to haunt me for another few days. He's got some voice, that Drew.

Which leads me to something REALLY AWFUL and I am so sorry.

8. The Ballad of Ronnie Drew by U2 and The Muppets.

OK, so I very quickly was forced to learn who Ronnie Drew was by this terrible arsedribble from Bono and his assorted crew of clingers on. The song starts out well, very sensitive like, and then descends into something that sounds like your mental auntie made it up after a few too many sherries and being let loose on the old Joanna at a family knees up.

Perhaps the worst thing of it, is that it eulogises someone WHO IS NOT YET DEAD! Poor auld Ronnie (who has cancer) is having to sit and give plaudits to this terrible dirge because it is raising money for the Irish Cancer Society. If I were him, I would think it some sort of terrible punishment, for what I know not...Anyway, thanks to Bono, Royal Canal is always ruined in my head by a sudden associated burst of "Here's to you, Ronnie Drew!". Damn their eyes!! [ST's note: um, U2 were in your last list.... not bad for a band you dislike, eh?]

9. The theme tune to Black Beauty

I now live on a horse stud. "der der! der der der der der der de- der der!" Say no more.

10. Blondie - Atomic

Whilst washing the kitchen floor about a month ago, this came on the radio.
I have not been able to get rid of it since.
"Oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh your hair is beautiful! Oh Tonight!
(in slightly odd strangled robot voice) ATOMIC!"

11. Aretha Franklin & George Michael - I Knew You Were Waiting (for Me)
12. Motorhead - The Ace of Spades
13. Hawkwind - Steppenwolf / Silver Machine

These last three-for-the-price-of-one medley was instigated by having to sort through the boxes of schoolbooks which my parents discovered when they moved. It was fascinating and exhausting to get this insight into my childhood / teenage self. I came across my GCSE Art exam work, and 'I knew you were waiting for me' launched like a time capsule from that time. I hadn't realised earworms could be situationally encoded!

One of my books, I believe it was SCIENCE - MR GROVES - 3R or something similar - had a big pencil drawn decorative spade with 'Motorhead' written helpfully beneath it together with the Black Sabbath lyrics "The world is full of kings and queens / Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams / It's heaven and hell" - had a flair for the dramatic, didn't I? Hahaha.

Likewise, I discovered many of my textbooks artfully lettered HAWKWIND, who were my favourite band in the world when I was 15. I had all their vinyl albums (believe me, they were uncannily prolific) and they were the first band I ever saw in concert. My brother snuck me in. The song Steppenwolf was one of my favourites back then, so the earworm is that track sequeing into Silver Machine, which song is the reason most people ever heard of them.

14. Take That - Patience

Ugh the shame, but we've come this far, might as well unburden myself. As I mentioned earlier, there are builders outside our house at the moment. They have a radio on somewhere, that we can't hear, but now and again one of them will burst out in song at full volume.
'Cause IiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiI!
Need tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!"

That would be typical, one sentence, but that, as you well know is sufficient. Damn them!

Thank you Swiss, this has been most cathartic.
Sorry everyone else, I hope none of them stick!
Cheerio! Hopefully now I can return to bed and sleep untroubled by pesky lyrics.
(Enter theme from Black Beauty again...)

----

Good heavens. That's weapons grade earwormery of the highest order. Right there. My brain doesn't know where to stop and which one to run with, so it's currently playing a hideous medley of them all. I knew I could rely on you for a splendid list, Yoko. In fact, I may go so far as to say that this is the very best earworms list EVER!

No prize, sadly.

Well, except my eternal gratitude for taking part. Although, to be honest, you already have my eternal gratitude for the patience and grace you have shown in loaning me two of your favourite books (a Paul Auster and a Dave Eggers) that I have shamefully hung onto now for several years.... I'm not sure that's any good to you either. Oh well. It's a brilliant list anyway.

Keep us up to date with all baby news and don't be a stranger!

*sigh*

If she's happy, I'm happy.

Coming up: Rol (18/4)......then you? Drop me an email.... you know you want to. It's either that or me and some dubious 1980s heavy metal.

[Previous Guest Editors: Flash, The Urban Fox, Lord Bargain, Retro-Boy, Statue John, Ben, OLS, Ka, Jenni, Aravis, Yoko, Bee, Charlie, Tom, Di, Spin, The Ultimate Olympian, Damo, Mike, RedOne, The NumNum, Leah, Le Moine Perdu, clm, Michael, Hyde, Adem, Alecya, bytheseashore, adamant, Earworms of the Year 2005, Delrico Bandito, Graham, Lithaborn, Phil, Mark II, Stef, Kaptain Kobold, bedshaped, I have ordinary addictions, TheCatGirlSpeaks, Lord B rides again, Tina, Charlie II, Cody Bones, Poll Star, Jenni II, Martin, Del II, The Eye in the Sky, RussL, Lizzy's Hoax, Ben II, Earworms of the Year 2006, Sarah, Flash II, Erika, Hen, Pynchon, Troubled Diva, Graham II, Cat II, Statue John II, Sweeping the Nation, Aravis II, Olympian II, C, Planet-Me, Mike, Michael II, Eye in the Sky II, Charlie III, The Great Grape Ape, asta, Ben III, Earworms of the Year 2007, Cat III, JamieS & Wombat, Pynchon II, Briskate, Craig Cliff, Fiery Little Sod, Cody II, J]